I think xanga and I are breaking up for good. It's been a long (not so healthy) relationship. You can find me on tumblr.

Sex MAJOR SOC

Cause some like fast and some like slow but sometimes I think I like both fast and slow? I consider myself a tease but then again I don't is it really such a big deal if I don't want to have sex with a random person and that I want my first time to be special and furthermore what does it mean if I don't want to have sex with my boyfriend? Is my sex drive going to be high or low, what's gonna happen when I have a boyfriend with a high sex drive if mine is low and is it a problem if I meet an older guy I wanna date or pursue romantically because I've never had sex and the older I get the more afraid I am of becoming a conquest for some guy which is why I wanna date someone who tells me they're willing to wait as long as it takes for me to be ready because then I won't feel pressured. I'm gonna be the type of person who needs the lights off I bet because I'm self-conscious and in the dark I can pretend to be whomever I chose, like maybe I'll be an Angelina Jolie sex goddess or maybe I'll be a total sweetie like a Southern Belle except I'm not really southern I'm just a goodie goodie  and will I find a guy who will be patient with me? Do they exist? Am I gonna be bad at it or is basically every vagina the same thing to a guy and is it proper to tell them to never touch my stomach because that'll kill the mood instantly but maybe they could bite my neck really hard because I seem to enjoy that a lot but maybe I should just stop talking because I feel like I'm revealing too much and now that I think of it the most fun I ever have had in a guy's bed is when we're joking around and laughing because it makes me comfortable and then I'm more playful when it comes time to kissing and such. Maybe I should just stop talking now.

All I want to do when I let my guard down is cry. I really, really don't want my best friend to leave. I'm skipping over the fact that this is a selfish desire, because I'm struggling to hold the tears behind my eyes and my chest feels like my heart is crumbling into my stomach.

I'm now going to have a gut wrenching sobfest over the fact that one of my Best Friends is moving to Chicago the Monday after I return from vacation. Literally my Best Friend, the person I turn to for everything, the girl who is always there for me no matter what the hell is going on, who understands everything about me and knows me to my very core, keeps all of my deepest secrets, and lets me be my whole self.

I seriously cannot even handle this right now. I want to keep pretending like this is very far away.

Baby, is someone else calling you baby? It’s driving me crazy, this being in the dark. Goodbye ain't never easy, so break it to me hard. If you’re over my love girl, lay it on my heart. Don’t try to save me. Is someone else calling you baby?